I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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