Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
