I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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