addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
