Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
