My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
