turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
