did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it's like heaven, but drunker
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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