you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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