Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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