My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
