dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
