she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
