dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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