Apparently you make a good broom.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
