Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
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