"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
