Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
