Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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