I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
