After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
