I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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