....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
