did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
