is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Green mimosas i think yes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
