Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
