well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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