meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
