Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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