My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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