I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
