I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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