I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
