im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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