I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
