YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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