I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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