3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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