they need to just BURY HIM!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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