Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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