Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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