I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
