Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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