I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think your dad took our porno
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
