Farmville is her only friend.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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