if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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