so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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