Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
