Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
