My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
