I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
