Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
