Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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