but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
