Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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