i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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