i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
