Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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